I Signed the Rock Star. Then I Married Him — How a Professional Triumph Led Me to the Love of My Life (Exclusive)
I Signed the Rock Star. Then I Married Him — How a Professional Triumph Led Me to the Love of My Life (Exclusive)
Lizz Schumer, Carla OndrasikMon, March 2, 2026 at 5:00 PM UTC
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John and Carla OndrasikCredit: Courtesy of Carla Ondrasik
My forever Valentine didn’t arrive wrapped in shimmering gold foil. He came as a voice drifting through a wall, a sound that found my heart before I saw his face.
In the early ’90s, I was immersed in the fiercely competitive world of entertainment as EMI Music Publishing’s vice president of creative writer development. My days were spent listening to thousands of songs from writers hoping to land a coveted spot on the next chart‑topping albums. My efforts placed songs for recording with Christina Aguilera; Mariah Carey; Cher; Earth, Wind and Fire; Barbra Streisand, and *NSYNC to name a few!
Nights were no quieter. I was often in clubs seven nights a week, searching for that elusive spark, the artist who might become the industry’s next big star. I never could have imagined that an ordinary day spent pitching songs to record labels would lead me to the man of my dreams — and to one of my greatest professional triumphs.
During a meeting at Motown Records, a voice pierced the wall from the room next door — and my heart — with breathtaking clarity. It belonged to singer-songwriter John Ondrasik. At the time, he was unknown, another passionate and talented soul waiting for his moment to shine in the spotlight. After catching him live in a tucked-away club on Melrose and Vine, I signed him up immediately.
And not long after, I married him. My business instincts proved correct, his is the soul behind Five for Fighting. You’ll recognize the voice from two of his hit songs, “Superman (It’s Not Easy)” and “100 Years,” his piano turning already-poignant songs into pure magic.
I often compare our marriage to a ping-pong match. When we met, I had a successful, sexy career, while he was building his. A limo took me to exclusive business events, as he stayed home, holding down the fort and writing.
Carla, John and their son JohnnyCredit: Courtesy of Carla Ondrasik
Listeners soon embraced his new album “America Town.” Now he was suddenly whisked off on his own adventures while I left my glamorous career and stayed home with our “greatest hits” — two babies, Johnny and Olivia, born 18 months apart. I was overwhelmed, yet happy.
We navigated uncharted territory, feeling insecure and anxious about the unknown. As a developing artist, he was required to tour for months at a time. This meant waving goodbye with a baby on my hip and one in the stroller. Our lives were filled with love and excitement, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t “trying” times.
Our lives were changing so rapidly, that more than once over the years, he’d leave our current home with a suitcase and return home to a brand new move-in ready house, having left all the heavy lifting to me. He was “there” but not “really.” It was the most opportune time for him to try to show up for me or try to include me in his newfound success.
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But he never tried — he made sure that I knew we were in this together. He included me in major career-building decisions, continued to ask for advice and guidance, he made sure there was always a seat available for me to join in any fun or special moments. He put his family and his wife in the forefront of his life which has continued throughout his career.
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Carla and JohnCredit: Courtesy of Carla Ondrasik
The ping-pong ball is in my court now. I’ve returned to the workforce with my new book, Stop Trying! The Life Transforming Power of Trying Less and Doing More. I’m now in the spotlight, with travel, a heavy workload, and excitement. It’s been 28 years — and our kids have flown the coop — since we said, “I do,” instead of “I’ll try’” and committed to just that.
“Trying” is the fiancé who promises to be more communicative but ignores your phone calls. Or the date who pledges to be supportive but disappears when a difficult situation isn’t convenient for them.
“Trying” in a relationship means swinging wildly, eyes half-closed, hoping effort alone will be enough.
“Doing” looks very different. “Doing” means adjusting your pace, timing and care. It’s responding, not reacting.
Stop Trying!: The Life-Transforming Power of Trying Less and Doing More by Carla OndrasikCredit: Post Hill Press
When one partner drops the ball — and we all do — the game doesn’t end. Instead, it pauses so one person can pick up the ball and serve it again. That’s what commitment and “doing” look like. Some days the balls come quickly; other days it barely clears the net. What matters most is the willingness to keep returning it, with love, patience, care, and intention.
We all know we can’t “try” to pay our rent or mortgage because “trying” isn’t “doing.” If you don’t pay your rent or mortgage, you will be evicted or go into foreclosure. Marriage is the same. Fundamentally, if you “try” to spend more time with your partner, or “try” to be attentive, faithful, honest, or helpful around the house and more fun, it won’t work. Only the determined effort of doing will see you through to the finish line.
As Five for Fighting continues to fight the good fight, our ping-pong match of a love story continues. New songs, tours, charitable work and speaking engagements fill our days and nights. My “rock star” is now helping to shine the spotlight on my new book and, as our roles have ping-ponged yet again, he’s become my biggest supporter.
Relationships require action and accountability. We have made it work, and we are still each other’s biggest fans.
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Stop Trying by Carla Ondrasik is available now, wherever books are sold.
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